


When You Need Me

by PrincessLocket



Category: Inazuma Eleven, Inazuma Eleven GO
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Other, Suicide Attempt, Worry, trigger - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:54:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26639149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrincessLocket/pseuds/PrincessLocket
Summary: Matatagi just wanted everything to stop. He was so tired of living in a world that couldn’t hear him, wouldn’t see him, refused to acknowledge his presence half the time he was around - a world that made him feel like an outcast.He was fully prepared to let himself disappear that night. Everyone had already retired to their rooms for the night, meaning there wouldn’t be anyone around to interfere with his plans. Unfortunately for him, a certain midfielder hadn’t yet gone to bed and was standing right outside of his door just as he was about to set his plans into motion.
Relationships: Matatagi Hayato & Matsukaze Tenma
Kudos: 14





	When You Need Me

**Author's Note:**

> Please take caution when reading this fic! It's central theme revolves suicide and may not be suitable for all readers. I don't condone suicide. I just wanted to step outside of my comfort zone and push myself to write something I may not have otherwise tried writing. If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts or tendencies I'd like to please urge you to seek help as soon as possible. ((Just to be on the safe side this fic is going to be rated for teens+))

It was too late. Though the lights were all off, there was no way Tenma could have possibly missed seeing the pile of pills laying on his bed. Nor could he have missed the sound of said pills hitting the floor when the forward had viciously yanked the sheets over the pills in attempt to hide them, but ultimately causing them fall to the ground instead. He _knew_ Tenma had seen them; how could he not have? The way their eyes locked at the sound of the pills hitting the floor told Matatagi everything.

He silently cursed himself under his breath as he awkwardly bent down to pick up the dropped pills. One by one they were gathered into the palm of his hand. Each one of them held a different color and shape to them, each being a part of a separate medicated prescription. When he had finished gathering up all the noticeable pills he quietly stuffed them into the side of his pajama pockets and cast a threatening look at Tenma, who was still standing in the doorway of his room. Why was he still there? He opened his mouth to growl out a threat but found his words to be caught in his throat. That was strange- He tried again, willing something to come out, but came up with nothing.

Tenma, who had been watching Matatagi struggle to speak, finally moved away from the door, quietly closing it behind him. He hesitated in his footsteps, moving at almost a snail-like pace in order to make his way over to the forward. When he was standing just across from Matatagi at the foot of his bed, Tenma gave him a soft smile. “Hey… It’s okay.”

All Matatagi could do manage to do was nod in reply, his body suddenly trembling as he watched Tenma draw closer. He needed to get away- No, he _had_ to get away. Nothing was going to be okay and there was no way he was going to let Tenma try to convince him otherwise. He was never going to be able to come back from this. It was too late for him, both physically and figurately. He knew Tenma well enough to know how the midfielder would go off to tell Shindou and the rest of team what he had found him doing. Matatagi knew his game- Tenma was a worrywart. It was inevitable that he would tell everyone as soon as he left the room.

Matatagi opened his mouth again. What came out this time not only surprised him, but Tenma as well. A sob unwillingly tore past his lips, echoing in the quiet room. His eyes widened as took in the noise, not fully understanding what had just happened, but still registering it as his own voice. He only had a second to recover however because he quickly found himself being pulled into a tight embrace by none other than Tenma himself. A single tear streaked down the side of his cheek as he allowed the midfielder to hold him. As it fell several more tears began to follow. They cascaded down his face all too easily; dipping under his chin and landing into soft brown hair.

Tenma rubbed at his back as the tears continued to fall, occasionally drawing little shapes into the fabric of his night shirt. Matatagi’s trembling subsided at the fell of Tenma’s fingers. They were soothing to say the least and were surprisingly lulling him into a calmer state than he had previously been in. Something about that got to him- Why was he even crying?

With as much force as he could muster, Matatagi shoved Tenma back, causing the midfielder to fall to the floor with a startled yelp. Matatagi had half the mind to ask the other if he was alright.

Once he had gotten over his initial shock of being pushed to the floor, Tenma was quick to stand back up, this time keeping a distance from the forward. “Mata-Matatagi?”

Matatagi remained silent as he kept his eyes trained on the floor in front of him.

“Why are you here?” Matatagi starts off quietly. His eyes narrowed as he waited for a reply. After a minute of them standing together in silence Matatagi asks again. This time he growls the words out more than speaking them. When he doesn’t receive a reply he snaps his head up gaze into startled blue eyes. Tenma shifts uncomfortably under his gaze and gosh- Matatagi just wants him to stand still. “What? Too scared to talk? You think I’m going to hurt you now that you’ve seen me like this? Or are you scared that I’m going to hurt myself the moment you leave to go tell someone what you saw me trying to do before you walked in?” His words feel like venom as they leave his mouth. The way Tenma’s eyes widen almost has him laughing. Yeah, that was a telling enough sign for him to know he had just hit the target on the nose-

He lets out a shaky breath as he reaches a hand up to wipe away the remaining tears at the corners of his eyes. “You might as well go tell them all now… It’s not like I have anything left to lose anyway.”

“What do you mean?” Tenma’s voice is just barely above a whisper. But it’s quiet enough in the room for Matatagi to hear him anyway.

“What I mean is that I don’t belong here anymore. I never have really. All this time I’ve just been waiting on the sidelines for any sort of acknowledgment outside of the field. And each and every time I’m the one whose left waiting in the shadows. I’m so tired of it all! Every night I go to sleep hoping for the next day to be a better one but it never is. When am I going to be treated with real respect? When am I going to get the good things I deserve- I deserve them as much as you all do! So what am I doing that’s so wrong to were I can’t ever seem to have a good day like you and everyone else? I never asked for this life!” He’s crying again, shaking like a leaf, as he holds onto his forearms, moving to sit on the edge of his bed. And as much as it pains Tenma, he keeps his hands to himself.

He lets Matatagi cry and even lets his own tears fall as watches the other carefully. He really wants to hug Matatagi again. But he can’t, at least, not yet. Not until Matatagi lets him.

Matatagi continues to cry for a few more minutes before he looks up to Tenma. He gives the midfielder a weak attempt of a glare and lets out a shaky sigh. “Still haven’t left yet, huh? What else do you want to see from me?”

“Nothing… I just want you know that I’m here for you, even if you don’t believe in me just yet, I _need_ you see me-“

“-Oh I see you alright.” Matatagi hisses out. “I see what you’re trying to do. You think that by saying some cheesy words you can somehow magically convince me that everything’s going to be okay. Well news flash you, but I’ve been stuck in this dumpster way of thinking for months! If you really wanted me to believe you were ‘here for me’ you would’ve been by myside from the very beginning and not here now at what was supposed to be the end!”

Tenma blinks in surprise at his words but keeps his gaze as neutral as he can. “You’re right… I wasn’t there when you needed help the most, but I can be here for you now if you would just let me help you- I can’t promise that things will get immediately better but I can promise to be by your side whenever you may need it. We’ll work this together and,” he pauses to look off to the side, “maybe we could even get you some professional help when you feel comfortable enough to be able to trust others?” He tentatively reaches out a hand in offering, keeping his eyes locked with Matatagi’s.

“How can I be certain that you won’t leave me the moment I try to do something like this again?” Matatagi breaks their eye contact in order to stare at Tenma’s outstretched hand.

“You’ll just have to trust me enough for me to prove that I won’t leave.” Tenma quietly offers before hastily adding, “I didn’t leave this time did I?”

Matatagi clicks his tongue in response. Trust Tenma? He couldn’t possibly do that. Although, the midfielder was right in a sense, he could’ve left the room at any time and yet, he stayed…

“I suppose I could try- But only if it’s under one condition!” He has to bite his lip to stop himself from smiling when he grabs a hold off Tenma’s hand.

“Of course!” Tenma excitedly chirps.

“I want you to promise me that you won’t tell anyone what you saw in here tonight. Forget anything and everything you may have _thought_ you saw when coming into my room. And under no circumstances are you ever, and I mean EVER allowed to tell anyone you saw me crying. Got it!”

Tenma smiles as he squeezes Matatagi’s hand. “I wouldn’t ever dream of it!”

Matatagi gives the midfielder a small smile of his own before he digs his free hand into his pajama pants pocket. He makes sure to dig out every last pill he had stored inside the pocket and quietly places them into Tenma’s hand. The midfielder gives him a look of confusion before a look of understandment crosses over his features. He quickly shoves them into his own pants pocket before he stretches out both of his arms out towards Matatagi. The forward rolls his eyes but stretches his arms out as well, allowing Tenma to move closer and hug him.

Tenma gives him a little squeeze before he pulls away, cheeks dusted a light pink as he bids the forward a good night before he silently makes his way out of the room. Matatagi gives him a loose wave back and waits for Tenma to shut the door before he move up on his bed. His head hits the pillow with a soft thud as he tucks himself under his covers. His eyes drift to the door and then back to the side of his bed. The few pills he had discreetly hidden were now visible. With Tenma gone, he could easily take them…

He sat up in order to reach them better. When he had the pills in his grasp he looked to the door once more. Surely no one was going to come in and bother him now- He raised them to his mouth, full and ready to swallow them all when his mind flashed back to show him an image of Tenma’s smiling face. He lowered his hand, each pill still within his grasp, and shoved them all into his pajama pocket. He barely registered the few tears rolling down his face as he went to burry his head into the side of his pillow.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi and thank you for reading this fic! I hope you enjoyed this story to some extent- I know it's a dark topic but I really wanted to try writing this no matter what. I struggled with it a lot at the beginning but I think it came out okay?!
> 
> Again, if you are struggling with suicidal thoughts or tendencies I'd like to please urge you to seek help as soon as possible. And please know that it's okay to not be okay and YOU MATTER.


End file.
